GOD's WORD on Divorce

Think about this: Marriage is a living illustration of what our relationship with God can be like. This precious gift was given to mankind before sin entered the world in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 2:18-25). God intended that marriage would enhance both the man and the woman. It was His intention that the two individuals would become one just as the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are One. "Let Us make man in Our image" (Genesis 1:26) was His desire.

On the other hand "divorce" is the destruction of this beautiful gift God has given us, so we must not take divorce lightly. As Christians we must do all we can to exhaust every possible source of help before contemplating the destruction of this gift from God.

Having said this, let me be clear:
God will not bless sin. If you are in an abusive relationship, you need to get out and get help. Don’t allow yourself to be manipulated, intimidated, or cajoled into believing this is God’s will. It is not! God’s intention is for healthy individuals to join their lives together in order to bring God glory through their loving kindness toward each other, and that they might produce godly offspring who will learn to love Him.

(By the way, contrary to what modern entertainment is saying, sex is not for recreation – but for bonding in this intimate relationship that is to last all your life. This is why God reserves this sharing experience for the marriage relationship only.)


Below are some Bible texts for you to prayerfully study…
As you study these texts, ask yourself to be truly honest in your heart. Is it God’s will that I stay in this relationship? Is it safe? Is this home a place where angels can enjoy? Is there anything I can do to make this relationship more like what God would want it to be? Am I looking for a way out? Am I genuinely wanting God to transform me to be more like Jesus, or do I just want out?
There are worse things than divorce. God hates divorce, but He also hates having His kids destroyed emotionally, physically, or spiritually. He does not take it lightly when someone abuses His child. Divorce is a LAST resort. Don’t wait until there is no other option before getting help from a godly Christian Minister to counsel you or refer you to a Godly counselor.

Gen 2: 21-25 Foundational to this discussion is the fact that God made us for long-term commitment ("cleaving") in relationships.

Deut 22:19 They shall fine him a hundred shekels of silver and give them to the girl's father, because this man has given an Israelite virgin a bad name. She shall continue to be his wife; he must not divorce her as long as he lives. (NIV)

Deut 22:29 he shall pay the girl's father fifty shekels of silver. He must marry the girl, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives. (NIV)

Deut 24:1 If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, (NIV)

Deut 24:3 and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, (NIV)

Isa 50:1 This is what the LORD says: "Where is your mother's certificate of divorce with which I sent her away? Or to which of my creditors did I sell you? Because of your sins you were sold; because of your transgressions your mother was sent away. (NIV)

Jer 3:8 I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent her away because of all her adulteries. Yet I saw that her unfaithful sister Judah had no fear; she also went out and committed adultery. (NIV)

Mal 2:16 "I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment," says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith. (NIV)

Matt 1:19 Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly. (NIV)

Matt 5:31 "It has been said, `Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.' (NIV)

Matt 19:3 Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?" (NIV)

Matt 19:7,8 "Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?" Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. (NIV)

Mark 10:2 Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?" (NIV)

Mark 10:4 They said, "Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away." (NIV)

1 Cor 7:11,12 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. (NIV)

1 Cor 7:27 Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. (NIV)

If you have a friend that you wish you could help save their marriage, I ask you to be instant in prayer and slow to speak. Speak only as GOD gives you inspiration. Remember that there is danger here in that hearts are confused, searching for love and if you do become involved, as GOD to guard your own heart as well as those that you counsel. I believe it would be wise to follow GOD's example, HE sent them out two by two (where two are more are gathered in HIS name, there HE is in the midst of them... there is safety in numbers). What a wonderful ministry a Christian couple could have among their friends!

Any trained counselor will tell you, you can’t help anyone who doesn’t want help. And it is extremely difficult to save a marriage when a third party is working overtime to destroy it. Nevertheless, I believe there are seven positive things you can do when the fabric of your friends’ marriage is ripping apart.

1. Pray for them.
Prayer is a compassionate tool given by God to aid hurting people. Scripture commands prayer for one another and testifies to prayer’s power (Eph. 6:18, Jas. 5:16). Prayer for hurting friends is not a last resort. It is a first resort. If the marriage is to be saved, it must be placed in larger hands than yours. Prayer enlists God’s aid in the battle to save the marriage. It also helps remind you that your knowledge and skills are limited.

2. Don’t abandon them.
It is easier to avoid people who are doing something you disagree with than to stand by them and spend time with them. People in pain need friends who love them. (I long to see more happy Christian couples serving their brothers and sisters in a friendship praying ministry) In 1 Thess. 5:14, Paul encourages his readers to “encourage the timid, (and) help the weak.” The issues that push marriages into trouble usually take years to accumulate. Healing the broken places take time. Getting involved will probably be costly. Make it your intention before getting heavily involved to stick with hurting people for as long as it takes. Remember, there is no quick fix.

3. Don’t take sides.
Divorcing people often look for recruits to join their side of the imminent divorce battle. If you intend to help, stay neutral to both parties. Focus your attention on trying to help save the marriage instead of being lured by one side to throw rocks at the other. Everyone has a long litany of “who did what to whom,” and “who is really to blame here.” Always rem3mber that your view of a collapsing marriage is from the outside, not the inside.

4. Try to get both of your friends to see a Godly Christian counselor.
There are Christian Marriage counselors that have been trained to call upon GOD and apply skills that you probably do not possess. They know how to stay neutral. Only recommend counselors who have a good track record of saving marriages. They are literally the paramedics for dying marriages. If the marriage is salvageable, they will have the best chance at saving it. You can even offer to go with your friends and pay for their appointment to show your concern. (Unfortunately this profession is full of those that are not trained, and even some perverts have been guilty of using this as a means of preying on their clients) Ask a Godly minister to help you to know who to reccomend.

5. Be available and listen with love.
Let your friends know you are available to listen any time they want to talk. Listen to them, supply Kleenex, and be willing to drink buckets of coffee. Hurting people need the physical presence of caring people when their lives appear to be unraveling. Listen more than you talk. Be sensitive to God’s leading in these conversations.

6. Don’t gossip about them to other friends.
Gossip is often the natural pastime for those who stand on the sidelines when other people’s lives are crumbling. Never break a confidence that has been entrusted to you. One of the greatest dangers is to brag that “we are trying to help Bill and Janet put their marriage back together.” Become a silent helper rather than a play-by-play commentator on the demise of someone else’s marriage.

7. Don’t play God.
God can save marriages that the whole world deems hopeless. I don’t believe He calls those who help to be heralds predicting the final outcome of the process, however. Too many well-meaning Christians make spiritual statements about what they think God will or will not do. Scripture provides guidance, but it must always be shared gently and from a loving heart. Don’t use harsh exhortations as a spiritual club to beat them up. Always let the Holy Spirit do the convicting. That is not your job.

Jeremiah 29:11 is a verse of hope that has comforted many individuals experiencing the tragedy of divorce:
“For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”